Overcoming The Fear Of Loneliness: A personal Journey

Loneliness isn’t just about being alone. It’s a feeling, like a deep, aching emptiness that makes you feel disconnected, unseen, different or even unloved. It sneaks in when you least expect it, wrapping itself around you like a heavy blanket. And if left unchecked, it can lead to something even darker; depression, hopelessness, and in some cases, thoughts of self-harm.

At some point in life, we all experience loneliness. Whether as a misunderstood child, an overwhelmed teenager, a single parent navigating life alone, or someone trying to heal from heartbreak, loneliness must have been something you dealt with. You may even be surrounded by a lot of people who love and care about you, yet still feel lonely.

I have personally walked the path of loneliness so many times that I now recognize its presence with a certain familiarity. There are moments when I could embrace it, but there are other times when it felt impossible to deal with. Over the years, I have come to understand loneliness in a deeper way, particularly how it affects our relationships and why it sometimes seems so overwhelming

Here’s the thing—no one is truly alone. We only feel lonely. And feelings? They come from thoughts. The more you dwell on those thoughts, the stronger they become. Maybe you’ve told yourself, “No one cares about me.” Or “I’m always going to feel this way.” But is that really true? You have family. You have friends. And even if, by the world’s standards, you feel completely alone, remember this: You have God. And there’s no greater companion than Him.

I wish I had understood this sooner, but when I did it taught me to embrace the solitude, and that birthed a beautiful love affair with myself and a deeper relationship with God, so much I now enjoy “loneliness- solitude”

There was a time in my life when loneliness completely consumed me. I felt invisible—like no one truly saw what I was going through. I didn’t even have the words to explain it. I fell into a deep sadness that I later realized was depression. Some days, I felt so numb that I wanted to hurt myself just to feel something. I would pierce and cut my skin just to watch a drop of blood spill—proof that I was still here. I even found myself at the big river one day, wondering what it would feel like to let go, I wanted to jump in even though I didn’t know how to swim. I just wanted a kind of peace that came with nothingness, it hurt too much to feel so alienated and misunderstood.

But here’s the truth I didn’t realize then: I wasn’t actually alone. My thoughts had convinced me that I was. I had unknowingly fed those feelings by isolating myself further, retreating into a world of daydreams and escape. Back then, social media wasn’t so entertaining to distract me, no endless content to keep my mind busy. Just me and my thoughts. And they were suffocating me.

Overtime i begin to really give in to more harmful thoughts and subscribed to self-destructive patterns like alcoholism and smoking, no one saw the darkness that was overtaking me. One day I wrote about how I was feeling on Facebook and while the post was largely ignored my cousin saw through my words and tried to pull me back into the light. And while his support meant the world, I eventually realized something important:

No one could save me but me.

If you’re reading this and feeling lonely because you don’t have a partner, or because you think a relationship will fix the emptiness inside—you need to hear this: Love doesn’t cure loneliness. Marriage won’t magically make it disappear. I know people in relationships, even in marriages, who still feel completely alone.

Loneliness isn’t about who is or isn’t in your life. It’s a mindset—a belief that you’re disconnected, that you don’t belong. And beliefs can be changed.

So, how do you overcome loneliness?

First, recognize that it’s just a feeling, not a fact. You are not as alone as your mind is making you believe. Find small ways to reconnect—whether it’s reaching out to an old friend, joining a community, or simply reminding yourself that you matter.

Most importantly, know this: You are loved. You are seen. And you are never truly alone. That feeling you’re interpreting as loneliness is also God calling you into fellowship with Him, I know this because nothing was able to satisfy or comfort me until I acknowledged that God is the only thing big enough to fill up the void inside of me. That is why no matter who is or who isn’t in your life, the feeling of loneliness will persist if you do not change your mindset.

Loneliness can feel like a prison, but you hold the key. You don’t have to stay trapped.

I am also here for you, if you want to talk.
shalom ❤️